I was going to glance over my friends list to see who all is actually on it, but then I decided the hell with it. My nerves are racked at the thought of what people will think of me.
Those of you who know me well, or even a little, know that when things are rough in my life I GO RUNNING!!!!
I hide, I don't return calls. The list goes on.
This is my first step in changing how I cope. I have 257 'friends' on facebook.
I am having the worst time of my life.
I have lost my children. CPS took them. I am falling apart. I don't know up from down. Left from right. I miss them so much and the pain is unbearable.
I am reaching out to people on my page and asking for someone to pray for me. My kids. I need to forgive myself. My kids don't deserve this. I love them so much. I really need help and support right now. By support- I mean prayer and thoughts will suffice. It will be at least a year before I have them back.
WTF am I going to do for a year? Not to mention I am broke, unemployed, and having a hard time finding reason to keep trying.
I have NEVER written anything like this publically, but I am hoping that it will be a positive change I have made as opposed to the running I have been doing the past few months.
I ask that this stay among people on my friends list.
I absolutely LOVE you! I pray for you continually and know that when you're in "this" mode, that me pressing or hounding you will only push you away. I would love to continue to pray for you and think about you, but even more, I'd love to hang out with you as well. I know you can do it (ANYTHING you put your mind to)and would love to help you get thru this "worst" time.
ReplyDeleteAlicia, you put that so well and I second all of it. Jess, I never stopped praying for you & never will. I'm a phone call away and promise to keep sending you messages even if you don't respond. Love you to bits & pieces.
ReplyDeleteAlways remember that GOD doesn't put things on us that he feels we can't bear... Life is a learning process... We all go through things... I love you an will be praying for you.... And forget about what people may think... He who is without sin, throw the first stone! And I always try to keep in mind that no one sin is greater than another... So don't judge me because my sin is different than yours... Things are always brighter after a storm :)
ReplyDeleteYou are an amazing, strong woman. This is only a small chapter of life. You will get your lovelies back. Like what Jessica said, God is just using this as a stone to make you stronger. He loves you. Your kids love you. Your friends love you. No matter what you think, you are NOT alone in this. You have a large support system. We are all here for you! You are on my daily prayer list, and if you need ANYTHING, I'm just a text message or a phone call away.
ReplyDeleteI echo all the love and support from the other awesome ladies who have already replied to you. Jess, there is a God in heaven who loves you unconditionally, a Savior in your heart who will never leave you or forsake you, and a company of women who will support you and be here when you're ready. The Jess I know is strong and courageous and does whatever she must to fight and not give up. The Jess I know is an amazing mom and a brilliant woman and is driven to help bring freedom and hope to other women along her journey. The Jess I know believes that God has a plan for her life and continues to seek Him no matter the circumstances. The Jess I know is a worshiper...not just with a beautiful voice, but with a deep river of passion and hunger in her soul! The Jess I know is savvy and clever and witty and bright and funny and REAL and I know will get through this on top. Fill yourself with the Word right now...it is TRUTH! Proverbs 31:25, "She is clothed with strength and dignity and she can laugh without fear of the future."
ReplyDeleteI love you noodle! I miss our noodle dates!